you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
