I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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