Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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