My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
