the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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