I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
