There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
