I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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