The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
