Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
