So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
