Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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