One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Enjoy the penises
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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