I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
