if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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