girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
