A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
