i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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