Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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