I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
