It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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