So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
