Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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