I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
