Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
