Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
