I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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