kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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