ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
