I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
