Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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