I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
