Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
