i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
