I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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