I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
