Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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