Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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