well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
