I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
