I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
