So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
handjob tips. give me some.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
