I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
