I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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