I met the friendliest cop last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
