Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
