So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
