Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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