you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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