So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
