The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
