I hate all girls vehemently.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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