If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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