I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
