Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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