he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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