thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
