ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize